I do want to thank Jason, and everyone at the Monastery again for welcoming me with such openness. I’m still amazed that I was granted this possibility to see shining samples of the teachings of A Course in Miracles, and for the very first time in a long while, I don’t feel alone.
Part of me wanted to keep longer, but beneath that desire was the idea that I could be this for the wrong reason; as a way to prevent my problems. The stronger feeling was, and is, that my travels will continue.
Before I left, Jason asked if I had had any insights. What I’m about to share was not yet clear during those times; only on the drive away made it happen coalesce.
That morning, several lines from the Vance Joy song kept running through my head, “I never must have told you, never must have allow you to see inside acim teacher. Don’t want it troubling your mind, won’t you let it be?” This confused me as I really could not consider anything that I had stated that I felt regret for.
Eventually, the phrase, “don’t want it troubling your mind” stood out. This reminded me that the most prominent fear I had in coming to the Monastery was that I’d somehow interfere using its residents’satisfaction, by just my presence alone. This belief that I really could negatively affect other people’s state of mind has been with me for quite some time, and has colored many of my past experiences and relationships.
This fear left my awareness right after I arrived. On the drive away it rose again, but I remembered David saying in one of is own videos that minds cannot attack. I cried and laughed, and now feel as if the belief is being (has been?) released.
You will find other things that happened that felt important, but I can’t consider them right now.